This is written by my dear friend, Pam Rose Beeler. I am posting this on my site because it is one of the most beautiful 'writings-from-the-heart' I have ever read. Pam has it on her Prayer Blog but some of you might miss it and everyone should see it, at least once. Each time I read this, it has more and more meaning. Enjoy my friend Pam Rose Beeler.
Once upon a time I entered the Church at the conclusion of the Triduum. I entered with visions of how holy I was going to become. I wanted very much to be a saint. I told the priest who was to baptize me that after I got baptized I wasn't going to sin ever again. He said that he certainly hoped that would be true. It wasn't.
And now, here we are again in the midst of another Triduum. Twenty-seven years later and the holiness I dreamt of at my baptism still eludes me. I still want to be a saint, but if I've learned anything over the intervening years it's that my wanting it doesn't make it so. In fact, on my own, I'm pretty powerless to do much about it at all. I cannot makemyself holy. I cannot turn myself into a saint.
This is the wood of the cross, on which hung the Savior of the world ...
So, today, I will kneel and kiss the wood of the cross. I will remember that on it my Savior hung. I will concede that whatever crosses I have to bear are never as heavy as this one. I will rejoice that I am able in whatever small way to unite my sufferings to His. And then I will wait. I will wait in the silence and the darkness of the tomb. I will wait while He harrows hell. I will wait in that despair that His absence brings. Waiting, waiting, waiting ...
And despite the pain and the desolation of Good Friday ... it is never a hopeless waiting, because we know the rest of the story. We know that Holy Saturday follows Good Friday. We know that just as every year Good Friday reminds us of the cost of our sin and the price that was paid. So too, every year, without fail, it is followed by Holy Saturday, reminding us of the victory that has been won.
Holiness is pretty much still out of reach, but it's attainable ... not because of me, but because of Him. I'm not a saint yet ... but Jesus' passion, death, and resurrection are much more powerful than I will ever be at getting me there.